As I move another step away from you

I remember so many of our beautiful nights

like the time you were dancing through the room

in your slippers singing give my regards to Bellevue

You could always make me laugh with your humor so black

and the darkest thing you ever said to me

I can only repeat in cryptic back mask

‘When I die will you fuck me one more time’

Give my regards to Bellevue

give my regards to Bellevue

this girl’s got to find a new way home

We had that blue tarp on the roof

to keep the rain away We had the tesla and your medicine

to keep your pain away to keep your pain away

You had the footlights of Broadway

to illuminate your stage Your elegance descending the staircase

to take my breath away you take my breath away

this girl’s got to find a new way home

Give my regards to Bellevue

give my regards to Bellevue

give my regards to Bellevue

this girl’s got to find a new way home

All of your kisses are laced in morphine

we leapt into the abyss

All of your cruelty is torturous to me

there is the ritual

In the dead of Winter I find you here

there is the scent of your perfume

in these empty rooms

There are the Sisters of Mercy

there is Leonard Cohen to whom you turn

on nights in which you seek tranquility

There is your disillusion there are your uniforms

and the secrets you have kept from me

There is your solace there is your quietude

and the distillation of your imperial majesty

There are the sounds of hinges

they’ll dive ascend and converge

like Black Sabbath guitars

You are the orchid I am solitude

you have been my darkness

you have been my light

My neighbor told me that in the 1970s

The Marchants would deal heroin out of this house

and sometimes I wonder if any remnants from those days

are still here hidden in the walls or hidden in the ceiling

Now it’s just me and Alexis living together in this place

we sleep in the living room and watch old movies

She knows all about the cinema her favourite Hitchcock films

are ‘Strangers on a Train’ and ‘Marnie’

She loves Tippi Hedren and Sean Connery

when ‘Bladerunner’ came out she fell in love with Rutger Hauer

Last summer we went to see Die Antwoord at the Civic Center

little blondie Yolandi Ninja

then to the Tunnel Top Lounge for drinks

she looked so beautiful in pink

neon light as she spoke to me

Walking through Union Square on our way to Lori’s Diner

her reflection on the windows captivated me

stumbling in we saw that famous photograph of Sophia Loren

and Jayne Mansfield taken at Romanoff’s

She loves Michael Shannon and Faye Dunaway

the films of David Lynch

‘Blue Velvet’ ‘Lost Highway’

I remember William Saffer

as an old man and a bag of bones

but from his deathbed he arose

with the strength to embrace me and my brothers

Sidney slipped away when I was just a kid

gone up to fisherman’s heaven

floating on a river Tuolumne at Fox Grove

in an aluminum boat

I remember the congregation

of the old Prescott Bible Church

the empty fields where we would fly our kites

the Nagel sisters in their Sunday clothes

Spirits converge - human spirits converge

spirits converge

Fernando & Marcela

had a tarpaper shack

I always loved the smell of her kitchen

with chili con carne and tortillas on the stove

I remember her broken little finger

I remember her broken English

the pictures of Arvil and Joe

dressed in their army uniforms

The river bank smelled of chamomile

the waters were black and green

this is where the Okies would camp

with their tents and their fires and their dreams

In the morning I would always kiss you

gently enough to let you know I was about to go

and that I would ache for you and long for another night

in which our spirits would converge

Spirits converge - human spirits converge

Spirits converge - spirits converge . . .

The Buzzcocks used to play

frequently on the jukebox of Murio’s Trophy Room

‘Why Can’t I Touch It’  ‘Ever Fallen in Love’

with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with

The Pixies used to play

on the jukebox at Chel’s 6th Street Rendezvous

‘Where is My Mind?’ feet on the air head on the ground

instantly I dug their sound

I used to see you

walking near the corners of Shrader & Haight

white as a ghost all dressed in black

I could tell it was you by the spark of your heels

going to some destination I would never know

House Painters used to play

on the jukebox at The Uptown 17th and Capp

somewhere there’s a picture

a black & white Polaroid from those early days

We would rehearse at Carol Lennon’s studio

some of the girls from the scene would come around

meeting their boyfriends playing in bands

Nici Anna Rory and you

that was a time when our hearts and minds

were young and strong that was a time

when you and your mother lived in Daly City

on Olympic Drive

that was a time on Olympic Drive . . .

I’d like to be on psilocybin or on ecstasy

maybe a little weed and a cup o’ tea

I’d like to listen to Jerry Reed singing ‘The Likes of Me’

Jerry Reed singing the likes of me

I never tried Quaaludes or Heroin

I used to listen to C W McCall on my way to work

‘A pint of blood and a rabbit’s foot’

a pint of blood and a rabbit’s foot

I love the skyline of San Francisco near Broadway & Columbus

near Spec’s Adler Museum near Tosca near City Lights

where North Beach meets Chinatown

I wish I’d seen The Cockettes in the 70s

Phyllis Diller and Lenny Bruce at The Purple Onion

Kashmir and Karen with their sleepy eyes

The Blue Lamp and The I-Beam

Tu Lan Vietnamese on 6th street in the midst

of the unsettling humanity

I remember the night Chris Kellas

set the table on fire with a bottle of Ng Ka Py

he set the table on fire with a bottle of Ng Ka Py

I always liked Chris Kellas except for the time

he closed the bar early on a Sunday night

when I was trying to get you drunk and take you home with me

I used to wait for you at the deli on the corners of Larkin & Eddy

while you and Paul would argue over money and drugs

one flight up cracked out of your heads - 550 Larkin at Eddy

You would walk around the Tenderloin in your magic shoes

gesturing ambidextrously impervious to the night

I could get through all of this if you were here beside me

which now is never never never never ever

I’d like to be on Mescaline or on LSD

or on peyote with you as my spirit guide

To have been with you was so beautiful - to touch your face

to breathe your breath - to hear your voice

coming home to you always delighted my heart

When I run out of paper - when I run out of ink

the story’s over ladies and gentlemen . . .

I wish you were here watching a movie with me

I wish we had taken our breakfast together

this morning downtown at ‘Latif’s’ as you call it

You were always so fond of the country potatoes

the sourdough toast and the blackberry jam

I was always enamored of you in the morning

I was always enamored of you completely

We never watched ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’

I wish that we had

I remember your love for Audrey Hepburn

For David Lynch for ‘Lost Highway’

your favorite scene was the one

with Mr Eddy and Balthazar Getty

I was always enamored of you in the morning

I was always enamored of you in the evening

Into the midnights - into the afternoons

Enamored of you into eternity

Dave Vanian and The Damned

Bela Lugosi and Telegram Sam

‘Where the Wild Roses Grow’

by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

Stiv Bators and The Dead boys

‘A Girl Called Johnny’

by The Waterboys

‘Nothing Compares 2 U’ by Prince

Johnny Thunders and The Residents

‘Sabrina’ is your favorite song

Einstürzende Neubauten

I know you are in love with Blixa Bargeld

and I’m ok with that

he is a handsome and talented man

in a remarkable band

Watching ‘Raging Bull’ with you

we both loved Cathy Moriarty

the black and white cinematography

Fellini and Cassavetes

‘Eraserhead’ and ‘The Elephant Man’

life is full of surprises

‘A Case of You’ by Joni Mitchell

‘A Night Like This’ by The Cure

White Zombie Ministry

The Sisters of Mercy

‘Gimme Shelter’ by The Rolling Stones

give me a night with you all alone

just you and me

just you and me

I remember the sound of your cello

presumably named after Ichabod Crane

Talking with you yesterday

I recall the bands in which you once played :

Amber Asylum The Cherubs and Shiva Dancing

Martha we are living through precarious times

I’m sorry to present myself to you in such a state

like I said I have a massive crush on you

I always thought you were

intelligent and beautiful

You look to the left a little outside

letting your freak flag fly

disclosing the details of your heart to me

reflections of a time that used to be

I wanted to be in a band like Jethro Tull

I wanted to be in a band like The Cure

I wanted to be in The Flaming Lips

I wanted to be in The Velvet Underground

You know my love - she had her delusions

I suppose I have them as well

but she was pure in her affinity for

Dave Gahan and Rozz Williams for

Stiv Bators and Johnny Thunders

I once had a girl she was beautiful like you Anna Carow

we had a little dog she named after Fritz Lang

she was the center of my world for nearly three years

until one Monday in Spring she disappeared

The first time I saw Sparklehorse they open the show for Cracker

Mark Linkous sang and played guitar from his wheelchair

I always liked the poetry of David Lowery especially

‘Life is Grand’ from the Camper Van Beethoven days

I saw The Flaming Lips and Vic Chestnutt at Slim’s

I saw Arab Strap and Deerhoof at

The Great American Music Hall

I saw Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci at a festival in Spain

I always dug their whimsy and their ancient magic

It was Emmylou Harris who introduced me to Townes Van Zandt

And it was she who informed me of his leaving

then I bought all his cassettes from the Tower Outlet store

I wish I’d seen him play underground at Spike’s Cafe

You were always so beautiful

the girl with stars in her hair

hardcore like Rozz Williams and Darby Crash

with your gleaming smile your confrontational style

with your glamour fashion and your love for Daniel Ash

You dealt me a blow from which I’ll never quite recover

in oranges and in blue it crushes me to know

that you lost sight of the beautiful light

waiting for you there on your horizon

Being with you intimately is always like overdosing on ecstasy

your electric vibes moving through me from inside

Your décolletage your Kryolan

your amblyopia your tourmaline

breathtakingly perverse you’re the queen of my universe

with your aura and with your allure

you come singing to me

Being with you sensually is always to discover

your profound mystery your glitter and your glam

the amplitude of your circuitry

With your Kabuki theater make-up on

you have been my dominatrix and I’ve been your switch

With your aura and with your allure

you come singing to me

When I said I love you

you thought it was strange you thought it was strange

you’re a work of art and my heart knows what it wants

it wants what it wants

Being with you

being with you . . .

I love the way you’ve told me about fragrance & perfume

with their notes of patchouli & sandalwood

and of the designers who inspired you in school

Thierry Mugler and Jean Paul Gaultier and

Alexander McQueen Alexander McQueen

Alexander McQueen

I love your impersonation of Laura Dern

when she played Lula in Wild at Heart

and the way you portray Tallulah Bankhead

makes me laugh you always make me laugh

You are wild at heart you are wild at heart

you are wild at heart

The picture that you took of yourself standing on the porch

is a work of art you’re a work of art

and the picture that you took of yourself on the Greyhound bus

breaks your mother’s heart it breaks her heart like

Alexander McQueen Alexander McQueen

Alexander McQueen

Teardrops don’t stream down my face anymore

instead they come pouring like a mountain cascade at the waterfall

Bruce and Michele have been my harbor for the past five days

they understand I’m not beyond being overcome by love

My closest friends understand my grief

they understand my nihilistic tendencies

I told them I might fall apart if I got too fucked up

but I did not and the room they offered me was lovely and dark

I could feel the air upon my skin

I slept in comfort and in dreams

in the evening Michele would feed me quinoa and Fava beans

I was always hungry I was always grateful

to sit at your table as a lost vagabond

Alexis used to ask your not angry with me are you

that’s a sentiment I know all too well

moving through the night I’m a drunken tyrant

I certainly can’t remember everything that I do

On those beautiful June afternoons

I would stand at your window as the sun

would set upon the hills of Niles

I would long to lie beside you in the dust in the dust

I would ache to behold you forever once again

Townes Van Zandt Rickie Lee Jones Nina Simone

on a Sunday morning

I tell myself take care as I long

to behold you forever once again

Some nights I hear in microtones like Harry Partch

Some nights I sit at the keys pretending to be Thelonious Monk

Some nights I image you as a hologram

With your beautiful laser light

When I contemplate the infinite universe

When I contemplate the many beautiful facets of you

It causes my head to spin

When I look into your eyes in the morning light

I can see the ancient Druid forest in kaleidoscope

I can see you lost like Dorthy in The Wizard of Oz

I can see the orange and blue

I can see the grey and the green

I can see your coat of arms and the heraldry

I can see you with pomegranates and tangerines

As a figure in a beautiful Leonora Carrington

And now I will sleep in beautiful

Benzodiazepine dreams of you . . .