As I move another step away from you
I remember so many of our beautiful nights
like the time you were dancing through the room
in your slippers singing give my regards to Bellevue
You could always make me laugh with your humor so black
and the darkest thing you ever said to me
I can only repeat in cryptic back mask
‘When I die will you fuck me one more time’
Give my regards to Bellevue
give my regards to Bellevue
this girl’s got to find a new way home
We had that blue tarp on the roof
to keep the rain away We had the tesla and your medicine
to keep your pain away to keep your pain away
You had the footlights of Broadway
to illuminate your stage Your elegance descending the staircase
to take my breath away you take my breath away
this girl’s got to find a new way home
Give my regards to Bellevue
give my regards to Bellevue
give my regards to Bellevue
this girl’s got to find a new way home
All of your kisses are laced in morphine
we leapt into the abyss
All of your cruelty is torturous to me
there is the ritual
In the dead of Winter I find you here
there is the scent of your perfume
in these empty rooms
There are the Sisters of Mercy
there is Leonard Cohen to whom you turn
on nights in which you seek tranquility
There is your disillusion there are your uniforms
and the secrets you have kept from me
There is your solace there is your quietude
and the distillation of your imperial majesty
There are the sounds of hinges
they’ll dive ascend and converge
like Black Sabbath guitars
You are the orchid I am solitude
you have been my darkness
you have been my light
My neighbor told me that in the 1970s
The Marchants would deal heroin out of this house
and sometimes I wonder if any remnants from those days
are still here hidden in the walls or hidden in the ceiling
Now it’s just me and Alexis living together in this place
we sleep in the living room and watch old movies
She knows all about the cinema her favourite Hitchcock films
are ‘Strangers on a Train’ and ‘Marnie’
She loves Tippi Hedren and Sean Connery
when ‘Bladerunner’ came out she fell in love with Rutger Hauer
Last summer we went to see Die Antwoord at the Civic Center
little blondie Yolandi Ninja
then to the Tunnel Top Lounge for drinks
she looked so beautiful in pink
neon light as she spoke to me
Walking through Union Square on our way to Lori’s Diner
her reflection on the windows captivated me
stumbling in we saw that famous photograph of Sophia Loren
and Jayne Mansfield taken at Romanoff’s
She loves Michael Shannon and Faye Dunaway
the films of David Lynch
‘Blue Velvet’ ‘Lost Highway’
I remember William Saffer
as an old man and a bag of bones
but from his deathbed he arose
with the strength to embrace me and my brothers
Sidney slipped away when I was just a kid
gone up to fisherman’s heaven
floating on a river Tuolumne at Fox Grove
in an aluminum boat
I remember the congregation
of the old Prescott Bible Church
the empty fields where we would fly our kites
the Nagel sisters in their Sunday clothes
Spirits converge - human spirits converge
spirits converge
Fernando & Marcela
had a tarpaper shack
I always loved the smell of her kitchen
with chili con carne and tortillas on the stove
I remember her broken little finger
I remember her broken English
the pictures of Arvil and Joe
dressed in their army uniforms
The river bank smelled of chamomile
the waters were black and green
this is where the Okies would camp
with their tents and their fires and their dreams
In the morning I would always kiss you
gently enough to let you know I was about to go
and that I would ache for you and long for another night
in which our spirits would converge
Spirits converge - human spirits converge
Spirits converge - spirits converge . . .
The Buzzcocks used to play
frequently on the jukebox of Murio’s Trophy Room
‘Why Can’t I Touch It’ ‘Ever Fallen in Love’
with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with
The Pixies used to play
on the jukebox at Chel’s 6th Street Rendezvous
‘Where is My Mind?’ feet on the air head on the ground
instantly I dug their sound
I used to see you
walking near the corners of Shrader & Haight
white as a ghost all dressed in black
I could tell it was you by the spark of your heels
going to some destination I would never know
House Painters used to play
on the jukebox at The Uptown 17th and Capp
somewhere there’s a picture
a black & white Polaroid from those early days
We would rehearse at Carol Lennon’s studio
some of the girls from the scene would come around
meeting their boyfriends playing in bands
Nici Anna Rory and you
that was a time when our hearts and minds
were young and strong that was a time
when you and your mother lived in Daly City
on Olympic Drive
that was a time on Olympic Drive . . .
I’d like to be on psilocybin or on ecstasy
maybe a little weed and a cup o’ tea
I’d like to listen to Jerry Reed singing ‘The Likes of Me’
Jerry Reed singing the likes of me
I never tried Quaaludes or Heroin
I used to listen to C W McCall on my way to work
‘A pint of blood and a rabbit’s foot’
a pint of blood and a rabbit’s foot
I love the skyline of San Francisco near Broadway & Columbus
near Spec’s Adler Museum near Tosca near City Lights
where North Beach meets Chinatown
I wish I’d seen The Cockettes in the 70s
Phyllis Diller and Lenny Bruce at The Purple Onion
Kashmir and Karen with their sleepy eyes
The Blue Lamp and The I-Beam
Tu Lan Vietnamese on 6th street in the midst
of the unsettling humanity
I remember the night Chris Kellas
set the table on fire with a bottle of Ng Ka Py
he set the table on fire with a bottle of Ng Ka Py
I always liked Chris Kellas except for the time
he closed the bar early on a Sunday night
when I was trying to get you drunk and take you home with me
I used to wait for you at the deli on the corners of Larkin & Eddy
while you and Paul would argue over money and drugs
one flight up cracked out of your heads - 550 Larkin at Eddy
You would walk around the Tenderloin in your magic shoes
gesturing ambidextrously impervious to the night
I could get through all of this if you were here beside me
which now is never never never never ever
I’d like to be on Mescaline or on LSD
or on peyote with you as my spirit guide
To have been with you was so beautiful - to touch your face
to breathe your breath - to hear your voice
coming home to you always delighted my heart
When I run out of paper - when I run out of ink
the story’s over ladies and gentlemen . . .
I wish you were here watching a movie with me
I wish we had taken our breakfast together
this morning downtown at ‘Latif’s’ as you call it
You were always so fond of the country potatoes
the sourdough toast and the blackberry jam
I was always enamored of you in the morning
I was always enamored of you completely
We never watched ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’
I wish that we had
I remember your love for Audrey Hepburn
For David Lynch for ‘Lost Highway’
your favorite scene was the one
with Mr Eddy and Balthazar Getty
I was always enamored of you in the morning
I was always enamored of you in the evening
Into the midnights - into the afternoons
Enamored of you into eternity
Dave Vanian and The Damned
Bela Lugosi and Telegram Sam
‘Where the Wild Roses Grow’
by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds
Stiv Bators and The Dead boys
‘A Girl Called Johnny’
by The Waterboys
‘Nothing Compares 2 U’ by Prince
Johnny Thunders and The Residents
‘Sabrina’ is your favorite song
Einstürzende Neubauten
I know you are in love with Blixa Bargeld
and I’m ok with that
he is a handsome and talented man
in a remarkable band
Watching ‘Raging Bull’ with you
we both loved Cathy Moriarty
the black and white cinematography
Fellini and Cassavetes
‘Eraserhead’ and ‘The Elephant Man’
life is full of surprises
‘A Case of You’ by Joni Mitchell
‘A Night Like This’ by The Cure
White Zombie Ministry
The Sisters of Mercy
‘Gimme Shelter’ by The Rolling Stones
give me a night with you all alone
just you and me
just you and me
I remember the sound of your cello
presumably named after Ichabod Crane
Talking with you yesterday
I recall the bands in which you once played :
Amber Asylum The Cherubs and Shiva Dancing
Martha we are living through precarious times
I’m sorry to present myself to you in such a state
like I said I have a massive crush on you
I always thought you were
intelligent and beautiful
You look to the left a little outside
letting your freak flag fly
disclosing the details of your heart to me
reflections of a time that used to be
I wanted to be in a band like Jethro Tull
I wanted to be in a band like The Cure
I wanted to be in The Flaming Lips
I wanted to be in The Velvet Underground
You know my love - she had her delusions
I suppose I have them as well
but she was pure in her affinity for
Dave Gahan and Rozz Williams for
Stiv Bators and Johnny Thunders
I once had a girl she was beautiful like you Anna Carow
we had a little dog she named after Fritz Lang
she was the center of my world for nearly three years
until one Monday in Spring she disappeared
The first time I saw Sparklehorse they open the show for Cracker
Mark Linkous sang and played guitar from his wheelchair
I always liked the poetry of David Lowery especially
‘Life is Grand’ from the Camper Van Beethoven days
I saw The Flaming Lips and Vic Chestnutt at Slim’s
I saw Arab Strap and Deerhoof at
The Great American Music Hall
I saw Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci at a festival in Spain
I always dug their whimsy and their ancient magic
It was Emmylou Harris who introduced me to Townes Van Zandt
And it was she who informed me of his leaving
then I bought all his cassettes from the Tower Outlet store
I wish I’d seen him play underground at Spike’s Cafe
You were always so beautiful
the girl with stars in her hair
hardcore like Rozz Williams and Darby Crash
with your gleaming smile your confrontational style
with your glamour fashion and your love for Daniel Ash
You dealt me a blow from which I’ll never quite recover
in oranges and in blue it crushes me to know
that you lost sight of the beautiful light
waiting for you there on your horizon
Being with you intimately is always like overdosing on ecstasy
your electric vibes moving through me from inside
Your décolletage your Kryolan
your amblyopia your tourmaline
breathtakingly perverse you’re the queen of my universe
with your aura and with your allure
you come singing to me
Being with you sensually is always to discover
your profound mystery your glitter and your glam
the amplitude of your circuitry
With your Kabuki theater make-up on
you have been my dominatrix and I’ve been your switch
With your aura and with your allure
you come singing to me
When I said I love you
you thought it was strange you thought it was strange
you’re a work of art and my heart knows what it wants
it wants what it wants
Being with you
being with you . . .
I love the way you’ve told me about fragrance & perfume
with their notes of patchouli & sandalwood
and of the designers who inspired you in school
Thierry Mugler and Jean Paul Gaultier and
Alexander McQueen Alexander McQueen
Alexander McQueen
I love your impersonation of Laura Dern
when she played Lula in Wild at Heart
and the way you portray Tallulah Bankhead
makes me laugh you always make me laugh
You are wild at heart you are wild at heart
you are wild at heart
The picture that you took of yourself standing on the porch
is a work of art you’re a work of art
and the picture that you took of yourself on the Greyhound bus
breaks your mother’s heart it breaks her heart like
Alexander McQueen Alexander McQueen
Alexander McQueen
Teardrops don’t stream down my face anymore
instead they come pouring like a mountain cascade at the waterfall
Bruce and Michele have been my harbor for the past five days
they understand I’m not beyond being overcome by love
My closest friends understand my grief
they understand my nihilistic tendencies
I told them I might fall apart if I got too fucked up
but I did not and the room they offered me was lovely and dark
I could feel the air upon my skin
I slept in comfort and in dreams
in the evening Michele would feed me quinoa and Fava beans
I was always hungry I was always grateful
to sit at your table as a lost vagabond
Alexis used to ask your not angry with me are you
that’s a sentiment I know all too well
moving through the night I’m a drunken tyrant
I certainly can’t remember everything that I do
On those beautiful June afternoons
I would stand at your window as the sun
would set upon the hills of Niles
I would long to lie beside you in the dust in the dust
I would ache to behold you forever once again
Townes Van Zandt Rickie Lee Jones Nina Simone
on a Sunday morning
I tell myself take care as I long
to behold you forever once again
Some nights I hear in microtones like Harry Partch
Some nights I sit at the keys pretending to be Thelonious Monk
Some nights I image you as a hologram
With your beautiful laser light
When I contemplate the infinite universe
When I contemplate the many beautiful facets of you
It causes my head to spin
When I look into your eyes in the morning light
I can see the ancient Druid forest in kaleidoscope
I can see you lost like Dorthy in The Wizard of Oz
I can see the orange and blue
I can see the grey and the green
I can see your coat of arms and the heraldry
I can see you with pomegranates and tangerines
As a figure in a beautiful Leonora Carrington
And now I will sleep in beautiful
Benzodiazepine dreams of you . . .
The songs presented here have primarily been informed by American fashion designer Alexis O’Connell
Her love of cinema fragrance and music has hopefully been made obvious
Her fantastical and enigmatic monologues reside within me
The songs presented here have primarily been informed by American fashion designer Alexis O’Connell
Her love of cinema fragrance and music has hopefully been made obvious
Her fantastical and enigmatic monologues reside within me
Sidiki Camara, Per Gisle Galaen, Paul Olguin, Joice Garrison, Ivo Watts-Russell
Bruce Kaphan, Alexis O'Connell, Euros Rowlands, Michele White
www.brucekaphan.com | www.mso.anu.edu.au
www.fesliyanstudios.com | www.corpsofthelilymusic.com
Alexis was a black cat she told me that
she had become the persona she created
She wore a sleeveless dress Emilio Pucci green
she wore her silver rings pouring drinks for me
On those Summer nights at The Trocadero
upstairs at the bar underneath the gothic black light
She had a youthful dream to be on the Olympic team
swimming through the water for The Daly City Dolphins
She wanted to play bass in a punk industrial band
I called her from a pay phone outside The Kennel club
after a show by Pussy Galore I walked to her apartment
slept in her bed nothing more
She’d become a needle user and to find her next fix
she worked as a stripper and dominatrix
She took her leather whips to a dungeon she kept
at The Power Exchange so appropriately named
She harbored a great resentment toward the men who preyed
upon the girls who danced on the stages
of places like The Mitchell Brothers’ O’Farrell Theater
She was elegantly wasted at the time of heroin chic
I was never into that scene give me a dive bar like The Club Car
places that open at 6 a.m. to accommodate the old men
as they congregate over their love of John Barleycorn
Places to retreat into the darkest corners to contemplate
Jack London and assuage the DTs
places where the patrons have become dusty fixtures
drinking Irish coffees at The Buena Vista
On Sunday mornings I would go to Rich Levy’s house
stinking of hard liquor but arriving on time
We built an 8 string bass an SG-prototype
Junkyard was a genius he was always DIY
making home-made soup making home-made pie
crafting beautiful solid-body electric guitars
growing magic mushrooms from imported spores
undisclosed locations undisclosed sources
Alexis sometimes in the morning I find my blood is empty
I’m dying to lie beside you in the wilderness
On overdose evenings we would cling to one another
the wino and the junkie you sang to me from the bath
compassion in your voice you would let me know
I was your boy and you would never let anything bad
ever happen to me